You and you make a great couple

There are all sorts of people in this world with all sorts of needs. There are men who like women, men who like men, women who like women, women who like men and women, and women who like women and men. But despite this abundance of relationship options, there is a growing faction of people who find themselves at various junctures in their lives where they are compatible with NO ONE. And for many of them, the only option is to enter into a relationship with their own self.

Somewhat unconventional, Yes, but for many it just makes sense. You know yourself. You’re used to your quirks. You never have to wonder what the other person’s thinking, because you know. You keep the same hours, you share a long history, you know the same people. You can even share clothes. And in this arrangement more than any other, you and your partner can live as cheaply as one.

However, what about when it doesn’t work out? Breaking up with yourself is a painful and complex process. But when you and yourself can’t come to agreeable terms, and you’ve tried every available avenue to no avail, there’s nothing left to do, but end it and move on.

When you break up with yourself you should let yourself down easy. Say something like, “It’s not me, it’s me!” Because in all likelihood you still care about yourself, but you’re just not right for each other. And you don’t want you to leave with a damaged self esteem.

Reassure you that you and yourself can still be friends. In most instances it won’t be easy right away. When the break up is still fresh and emotions are still high it’s probably best not to see yourself for awhile. Certainly you should not succumb to temptation in this emotionally charged time if you receive a late-night booty call from yourself. You will certainly be tempted to go F*** yourself. But be strong. Just remember the good times and accept that you gave the relationship your all, but it’s over. Give it time. You’ll get over yourself.

Eric Ruhalter is the author of the amusing book series The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids. Check out the funny videos looking inside the KidDictionary at TheKidDictionary.com. It’s funnier than a mouthful of dead bugs. A LOT funnier.