I know a lot of you guys out there are thinking that you’re the #1 Dad. You’re deluded. And I’m sure a lot of you ladies think that YOUR man is the #1 Dad. You, too, are deluded. Truth be told, The Number One Dad is – ME. And I can prove it. Let me remind you that this is the internet, and one cannot lie on the internet. I am the Number One Dad, for lo and behold, my kids gave me THIS!

The Official #1 Dad Roach Clip.

That’s right The #1 Dad Roach clip.  And if that’s not evidence enough of my superior ranking, I’m also the proud owner of these:

The #1 Dad Flask

The #1 Dad Crack Pipe

The #1 Dad Maletov Cocktail

The #1 Dad Prison Shank

and The #1 Dad Kitten Killer

I don’t want this news of my being Numero Uno to discourage anyone. You can all still aspire to greatness. There are still other titles out there which you other Dads can achieve. There is “#2 Dad,”  “#3 Dad,” “#4 Dad,” “Pretty Good Dad.”  Plenty of you are eligible to be voted “Dad Who Almost Never Drops the F Bomb in Front of his Kids.” “Usually Sober Dad.” right on down to “Dad With No Active Restraining Orders Against Him.”

They’re still up for Grabs.  But “Number 1 Dad”? Sorry, that’s me.

#1 Dad, Eric Ruhalter, is the author of the humorous book series: “The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids.” Watch the funny videos looking inside The KidDictionary at www.TheKidDictionary.com .  No kittens were harmed, nor was any crack consumed in the writing of this farcical blog posting.